I am undiagnosed. I have been fighting epilepsy, apparently, my whole life. I believe I have Lennox-Gastaut syndrome, which makes my story… interesting. I have had identified, undiagnosed “episodes” for 21 years. The impact these episodes have had on my life is only now beginning to be understood, even be myself.

Just over a month ago I was housebound, having been on disability from my job for just over a year. Being a chemical engineer at a DoE nuclear processing facility, I was subject to random drug testing, for which a positive result would likely result in termination and difficulty finding future employment. I had never been released from a job for any reason. Now, I was living in a housebound state, barely able to hold a coherent conversation, an emotional wreck, hopeless, confused and prepared to accept that I would die soon. My breathing would become labored, body systems were losing their ability to regulate, I could not walk, my voiding was nearly uncontrollable, I could no longer read even with glasses, and had no energy to play with my dogs or assist in keeping the house up.

I finally had reached a point where the quality of my life was such that I had to change something or I would consider the alternative to living a life so seemingly empty and void, a burden to those around you, never quite being the person I knew I was, or even a person my family could tolerate. My wife is my love and heart. She convinced me to try cannabis one day. I did and it is turning my life upside down, this time in a very good way.

The changes I have experienced are phenomenal. Often, the changes are frightening, often exciting, and other times bewildering. I believe I am regaining access to neural networks that have been inaccessible for years, or decades. I have access to memories and all associated personality, feelings and emotions, that are tied to those memories. My processing capacity seems higher. My vision is not just normal, but 20/15 at worst. My memory is fantastic and my ability to function at a high level emotionally and intellectually is beyond what I have ever thought I could experience. My agility and coordination are better than I can ever recall. I am losing weight, having weighed 234 pounds a year ago and less than 200 pounds today. I am a different person than I was. I can love and feel like I never knew possible. I do not know what the future holds, but God has this. THC has given me myself, a person buried under decades of seizures.

-Richard